FHS 2400: Marriage & Family Relationships Eportfolio

                Assignment 1

A great “philosopher” in regards to feminism once said “When it comes to changing the language, I think they make some good points. Because we do think in language. And so the quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language. So maybe some of this patriarchal shit ought to go away. I think "spokesman" ought to be "spokesperson." I think "chairman" ought to be "chairperson." I think "mankind" ought to be "humankind." But they take it too far, they take themselves too seriously, they exaggerate. They want me to call that thing in the street a "personhole cover." I think that's taking it a little bit too far! What would you call a ladies' man, a "person's person"? That would make a he-man an "it-person." Little kids would be afraid of the "boogie-person." They'd look up in the sky and see the "person in the moon." Guys would say "come back here and fight like a person," and we'd all sing "For It's a Jolly Good Person," that's the kind of thing you would hear on "Late Night with David Letterperson!"” (Carlin, "George Carlin: Doin' It Again", 1992)

While this is exaggerated for comedic effect he has a point: When does social equality become too much? In the 27 years since this was said we have seen both great strides and fumbles in social equality. The question is: Can everything be equal? And more to the point should everything be equal?

The first thing to look at is that if we’re going to uproot centuries of gender inequality we need to take out both trees, meaning that male gender equality does need to be addressed. The concept of “toxic masculinity” needs to be defined, and the concept of “toxic femininity” needs to be included as well. Neither one should indicate that all masculinity or all femininity is toxic, but that for men the idea that a man can catcall should be classified as toxic, and for women the idea that a woman can accuse a man of rape even if he hasn’t needs to also be identified. Groups like NOMAS which “…is a pro-feminist, gay affirmative antiracist men’s organization….(that) acts on (issues of) child custody fathering, ending male violence, gay rights and reproductive rights”. (Strong & Cohen, 2017, p. 151) need to be promoted and discussed as much as NOW is.

Second, we are just now seeing the strides in media that should’ve taken place years ago regarding positive female role models, and these steps should be built upon immediately. Films such as Wonder Woman and the upcoming Captain Marvel depict women as being strong and independent while not having to turn into men. Similar examples can be found in video games with Horizon Zero Dawn’s female protagonist Aloy and in literature with Game of Thrones and Mistborn: The Final Empire’s heroes Arya and Vin respectively. The greater visibility these and other female characters gain will help people in general become better accustomed to the idea that a woman doesn’t have to be a man to be capable of doing extraordinary things.

Last, the emphasis on women’s bodies needs to be viewed by popular culture the same as a man’s. The multi-billion dollar industry devoted to shaming women about their bodies and how to somehow beat the aging process needs to be dismantled from the ground up. The fascinating piece here is that while women’s equality has gone up so has the industry to keep them insecure and weak to their looks, and has in the last few years spread to men. Where having a “gut” or “dad bod” used to be acceptable to actors now even the comedic (and normally less in-shape) Hollywood stars have toned up to become action heroes, a message that tells men that they can’t get away with having a great personality.

Can men and women be equal? The answer is yes with a large helping of if. If we can shift the focus from trivial matters like language and focus on where gender creates real pain spots for people, then yes, equality can be achieved.

References:

Carlin, G. (1992). George Carlin: Doin' It Again. Lecture presented at George Carlin: Doin' It Again, New York City.

Strong, B., & Cohen, T. F. (2017). The marriage and family experience: Intimate relationships in a changing society. Boston, MA: Cengage Learning.

Reflection: 

This paper was near and dear to my heart since gender equality is one of my personal hot buttons. I love fighting for gender equality for both genders, especially as I see further examples of gender inequality on both sides of the divide. 

Doug-

Dude sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you more at the party but I had work in the morning and had to bounce. I overheard you talking to Kory about wanting to hook up with Kevin, and dude, you know I don’t have any issue with the bro-on-bro scene, but I gotta confess, I am not loving this plan of yours.

Okay I get it, you want something that was not Mark, because besides being a total douche Mark was completely avoidant. It was like what we learned about in class, “Avoidant adults feel discomfort in being close to others, they are distrustful and fearful of becoming dependent. Thus to avoid the pain they expect to come from eventual rejection, they maintain distance and avoid intimacy.” (Strong & Cohen, 2017, p. 170). That was Mark all over, and I get it, that was hard to deal with, but jumping into this thing with Kevin is not the way to go.

First off, you barely know Kevin. I don’t want to make the assumption that all gay guys get around, but you don’t know if he is or not. The last thing you want is for a rebound guy to become an iching problem you have to deal with the rest of your life, you know what I mean? 😉

Second, dude I know you. We’ve been friends forever. If there’s anything you know how to do it’s fall in love. You fell in love with our chemistry teacher in 10^th grade, remember? And then the guy on the basketball team, and my roommate that one time you walked in on him in the shower. Do you really think that you of all people can have a casual sexual relationship with a person and NOT fall head over heels in love with them? Plus, what if HE falls head over heels in love with YOU?! How messed up would it be if he wants something more and you’re the one who’s all “Sorry dude, but this was just about me getting off.”? You know you’d hate yourself forever. You still hate yourself for leading Jenny on when you weren’t sure if you were gay or not!

Third and this is in all seriousness, you don’t need to be with another person to validate yourself as a human being. You’re not Doug, the 25 year old gay guy without a boyfriend. You’re just Doug. I know Mark made you feel special because, like you said, “If a guy who’s that quiet and introverted can love me than I must be really special.” Do you remember that? You were pretty drunk at the time but I recorded it, and that was after your first fight with him when you came over to my house crying, drank all my damn beer (Which you still owe me for BTW), started talking about him then peed on my beanbag chair and passed out (You still owe me a new beanbag chair too). I get that you like the feeling of being wanted but dude, come on.

And no, again, this is NOT the straight-guy-freaked-out-about-gay-guy-stuff thing. If you were straight and trying to hook up with a chick right after you just broke up with your girlfriend I would tell you the same thing.

Love ya bro,

-Greg

References:

Strong, B., & Cohen, T. F. (2017). The marriage and family experience: Intimate relationships in a changing society. Boston, MA: Cengage Learning.

Reflection

Roleplaying a frank discussion about casual sex is sadly not a conversation I'm unfamiliar with. I don't judge those who choose to have casual sex, but I think it's something that needs to be considered thoroughly.